love as strong as death, jealously demanding as the grave

He won't relent until He has it all. Thank God.

Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.
-Song of Songs 8:6-7

mallory

This is my Mallory. I must confess that I still think of her as the tiny creature that endured the middle seat between Kalen and me on our family road trip down the Pacific Coast Highway the summer before she started Kindergarten. When I remember that she is about to graduate from high school, it freaks me out a little bit.

Just look at how beautiful she is! I want to celebrate her. Mallory is a Sanguine social butterfly - the life of every party; she never meets a stranger. She loves little kids and each one she meets loves her back, especially the boys. Mallory has a good heart. She will excel at whatever she chooses to do in her life, and I cannot wait to see what the Lord has planned for her.

Mallory loves Special K Red Berries. She hates fruit cake cookies. She is always so encouraging to me in a much-appreciated straight-forward kind of way. I love her.

manna for me = community

Manna is a hell of a drug.
-Manchester Orchestra

I write enough about myself, so in honor of Speculation's first birthday, I though I would write about some of my very favorite people - friends and family members that have shaped this plant lady into who she is.

There are so many people that have stuck with me through thick and thin - best friends that have literally come into my closet (I used to hide in there when I was upset - maybe I still do, I just haven't been upset enough since March, I guess...) and sat in my laundry basket holding my hand and listening or pulled me out to make me go out to dinner with them. Others have walked some of northeast Georgia's long switchback trails with me, both figuratively and literally, helping me to navigate some tricky spots and always inviting me to share my heart by sharing hers. Women just a few years older than me have taken me under their wings, sharing their hearts and lives with me. They have offered advice that has led to some of the wisest decisions that I have ever made - and that I certainly would not and could not have made on my own.

My sisters have never failed to make me laugh, whether it was saying just the right thing at the right moment, helping me tear up old Valentines, taking me to the aquarium, or dragging me to Paris for a day. My baby brother has been a huge source of joy in my life. I'm thankful for three beautiful roommates with which to do life. They are some of the most excellent listeners I've ever met. My parents have driven hours, flown across the country, and rented a cargo van in an effort to help me make the best possible decisions regarding graduate school. My step-parents have been endlessly encouraging - guiding me through the process of escaping Italy in time for school the next day and constantly providing a slightly less biased opinion than their spouses are genetically capable of : that I am a clever young woman with a good heart. Half-a-dozen or so supportive grandparents continually teach me what unconditional love looks like.

Old friends and new, close family members and those far away, there are so may people that surround me - people to love and to be loved by. I am so thankful.

My aunt and uncle have opened their home to me on several occasions this fall, which has helped my observations at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta a much more pleasant experience. Last night we decorated ginger bread houses with the children. It was so good to just relax and be a part of their little family. I love spending time with them and have been doing this about once a month since August. I so admire my Aunt and Uncle. They are raising such healthy children (nutritionally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, and intellectually) and I hope to incorporate some of what I have learned from them into my own home one day. They are great parents and I can tell that they love each other like crazy. She respects him and he loves her. I watch them serve and submit to one another and it is so beautiful. He takes out the recycling for her and she makes chocolate-covered strawberries for him. I love sitting around and talking with them after the children go to sleep. These nights have been some of my favorites this year. So thank you, Newton family, for your love and gracious hospitality.

grocery shopping

I love grocery shopping - probably more than anyone should. Seriously. I think I would do it for a living if I could. I love the process in its entirety; I think it can be segmented into three steps:

1. Preparation. I keep a running list on my desk during the week. If I think of something I need, I jot it down. At some point over the weekend, I pull up the Publix Weekly Ad and add things to my list based on what's on sale. Once the list is complete, I toss it in one of my cloth grocery bags and wait patiently for one of my favorite moments of each week:

2. The Big Show. I always start in the bakery and work my way back through the deli towards the produce section before working my way up and down the aisles. Its lovely to have a store that you are familiar with. The list is helpful - necessary, even - but its also important to stay flexible. Blueberries might be on sale, but you might get to the store and find out that they don't look as delicious as one might expect. You might also get inspired on aisle seven. I generally do my grocery shopping on Sunday or Monday because of the penny item. Sometimes its peanut butter or old fashioned oatmeal. I've also seen toilet paper or coffee. Today it was frozen pizza. I hear a lot of people complaining about Publix prices being high, but they always have a wide variety of bargains in their sale paper each week. I'm getting to know the people that work at my Publix, which is nice, and even though I don't usually accept the offer, its nice that they always ask if you need help getting your groceries out to your car.

3. Cool-Down. Don't laugh, but I literally buckle my grocery bags up in the back seat (you can never be too careful with eggs and such). I even love putting the groceries away in their respective "homes." Obviously, I start with perishables, then move on to the pantry.

Perhaps this is selfish, but I hope that I get to go grocery shopping on a relatively regular basis for the rest of my life.

three more days

I just got to get you this good job done
so I can bring it on home to you.
-Ray LaMontagne, Three More Days

Things I'm interested in pursuing over the break:

1. Yoga on Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at the Y.
2. Visiting the eye doctor [new glasses].
3. Pizza from Little Italy [It's true, we have one in Athens, but it's just not the same].
4. Spending some time at Holly Park.
5. Illustrating a children's book called Carl's Cochlear Implant.
6. Giving blood.
7. Hiking.
8. Watching Seinfeld every night.
9. Sharing a bed with my baby sister.
10. Chasing my baby brother around the house.
11. Family Christmas picture.
12. Running with new puppy.
13. Seeing my family.
14. Consuming 4x an appropriate daily caloric intake in one sitting.
15. Cooking with my grandmothers.

Three more days. Please share your list.

it's not easy

People, people, people, they make it sound so easy
They say just do what your heart tells you to
But sometimes you cannot feel it
Sometimes you cannot hear it
Sometimes it won’t talk back to you.
-from Pretty Girl From San Diego by The Avett Brothers

Do you ever feel like you're just barely treading water? Like you're using every ounce of energy to keep your head in the air so you can breathe? Do you ever feel that way for no apparent reason? Perhaps it can be attributed to some weird reaction between senioritis and anxiety about graduating a year before most of my friends. I feel like I'm losing sight of the vision I've been so sure of for months and years even. I'm questioning the choices I've made regarding my career path. I'm worried that I will, as so many others have, forget the compassion I now feel for refugees, widows, and orphans when I transition from youth to "real" adulthood.

How do you know if your choices are pleasing to the Lord? How do you decide between good, better, and best? Can I honestly place any amount of trust in decisions that I made my freshman year apart from God? Why have I had such overwhelming peace about all of this until now? Are these doubts something that I've conjured up within myself, or are they meant as a way of communication from the Holy Spirit?

appalachian

I know it's hard to see Me darling
let your eyes adjust
if you go blind just trust
you were made out of My dust.
-from Dogs by Page France

Sometimes I get confused about where I'm headed. I expect that that statement makes a lot of you laugh because I've always been the kind of girl that knows where she's headed and how to get there. While it's true that I am blessed with a substantial amount of clarity (especially for a college student) on most days, my mind can get pretty foggy on others. It feels like driving up an unfamiliar twisty mountain road at night; the headlights of the oncoming traffic seem to temporarily blind you and you hope your impaired vision doesn't last long enough to make you careen around a curve and off a cliff. (...better try the emergency brake!)

I wonder if I'm making the right decisions, or if I'm extending grace as freely as it's been extended to me. I worry that the things I desire are not the things I'm "supposed" to desire, or that I'm slipping back into the habits of my old slave-to-schoolwork self. I know that I make the world about myself far too often, and I second-guess many of the ways I've chosen to interpret reality.

I suppose there are a lot of things that I would sort of like to happen, but I think that I'm finally learning to surrender my own personal agenda to the will of the One that loves me more than anyone ever has or ever will. You see, I have a history of holding on too tightly to good things that just were not best for me; my grandmother once described me as "loving hard." It sounds like a good thing, but I'm not really interested in going down any more dead-end roads.

I'm confused about a lot of things, but in this moment, as I type this, and for the last few days really, I have wanted nothing but whatever God's very best is for me. I feel as though I can say that with more honesty than ever before.

My mom and I went to visit Appalachian State University this weekend and I loved it. I won't say too much, but Boone felt ten times more right than Seattle felt wrong. There was space for my heart up in the mountains.